Personal: Time for ALL to stand for #Equality including those who hate men

So I decided it’s time to do an update, same argument and same level of “because I’m a man I don’t understand”.

 

Correct, I don’t understand what it’s like to be undervalued, overworked and underpaid.  Even though I’m currently a support staff member in education which quite often treats staff like me as if we are under qualified, inexperienced and easily replaceable.  I've no idea how it feels like to have staff talk to me as if a 16 year old student can replace me easily.  I have no idea what it’s like to see people chosen over me for their more attractive looks or for their sex.  I have no idea what it’s like to see someone get a job over me just because they were “bum kissers” and lacked experience and qualifications compared to me.  I’ve never been treated poorly for my position and never treated like a second class citizen.

 

Do you sense the sarcasm.  Truth of the matter is all the above occurred when I had zero confidence and 100% fear for losing my job, my earnings and essentially crippling my current career.  Does all that sound familiar? I bet it does.

 

I’m a man though so how can all the above sound familiar, that’s the attitude I get from some individuals.  I ask questions, are you doing enough?  The truth of the matter is I wish I can go back in time and actually punch my self in the face and tell me to grow up and gain some confidence.  I shouldn't allow anyone to treat me poorly just because they think they are better than me.  I shouldn't allow my self to be degraded by another man or a woman.  To make me feel like I am a walking penis.  To make me feel like I am just a sperm donor or a walking tripod. 

Does that also sound familiar? 

 

I will ask some more questions:

If you witnessed a simple crime and didn’t report it, you kept your mouth shut – does that make you almost or as guilty as those committing it?

What if that crime was a serious one that resulted in a death.

If you witnessed a child being sexually abused but you kept your mouth quiet out of fear for your career, job or life? Does that still make you as guilty? What if that child got murdered a week later?  Don’t react badly I am simply “asking a question”.

 

So the point:

What my point is, those who are keeping quiet on something “illegal” are surely “partly” to blame for society having any type of equality pay issues.  Now again don’t react badly instead ask this question, those that are oblivious to this problem in society – are they also ”partly” to blame?  I’ve heard the same people that say we want to raise awareness cry out that these people with their eyes closed ARE also to blame.  So surely that means those who know about it but say nothing – ARE also to blame.

I am also apart of the problem, back in those days I didn't have any bravery at all to stand up to my line managers or bosses.  I can tell you now I refuse to allow my self to be treated poorly and this includes those who I am responsible for.

 

This isn’t blaming those above 100% for this issue, instead this is adding “part” blame only.  Think about it, what do we really need to do to fight for equality? This isn’t just a “man” issue, there are jobs that men are paid less – especially in the modelling/adult industry.  These are simply two factors, I’m sure I could list more especially on the business administration and secretarial professions where the demand for women is higher.

 

If you’re concerned that I am simply blaming 100% on those who don’t do anything, ask yourself this:  What if I knew a woman who was not equally paid or perhaps under paid even though she works more, better experienced, qualified and deserved it over a male colleague who just sits there and does nothing.  Would you say I am a part of the problem? If I say and do nothing.  What If the boss asked me “do you think this woman deserves to be paid as much if not more?” and my response was “don’t know” or no response.  Would you say I am a part of the problem?

 

Women

You know I’ve said this in a lot of tweets and posts, I’ve constantly had “you’re a man you don’t understand” correction I don’t understand what child birth is like because I have and never will give birth.  I don’t know what the period is like because I don’t and never will have periods.  I do how ever know what it feels like to have illnesses that effect the human body.  I do how ever know what it feels like to work in a work place controlled by the opposite sex.  I do how ever know what it feels like to be deemed a walking piece of meat with one small brain on my shoulders and the big one between my legs.  I do how ever know what it feels like to be treated as a sexual object while my bum cheeks were pinched and told “I’m a guy, I can take it”.

 

What I do know is that like it or not sexism is a serious issue.  This isn’t just 100% men, this is also the fault of women.  I once was effectively bribed for sex (long time ago).

 

The above women are just as partly to blame for the culture we live in.  The culture of competition, hate, pride and emotional control to the opposite sex.  For men it’s simple we’ve always been working, fighting and women in history have been the stay at home moms for the majority of world cultures.  It’s not that long ago in our own nation was this fixed, unfortunately men at the time controlled all the empires.  Now women are fast catching up and rightly so.  We have women’s football which is gaining popularity, women are owning businesses and are catching up on equal pay.  Course I won’t deny there is some way to go (likewise for racism and hate).

 

Thing is, don’t expect it to be fixed overnight if people are still remaining quiet.  Don’t expect it to be fixed if women are just as guilty for sexism issues as men.

Equal job Equal Pay

Now this is something I picked up in another post:

https://itsupportns.blogspot.co.uk/2016/08/personal-genderpaygap.html

One thing people don't realise is are you actually doing a better job, more qualified and experienced?

I have a team working under me and although on the outside they are both the same level it's actually not true.  If the lower paid guy left and I employed a woman to do his job would she be happy to see the other guy earning more?  Probably not.  Would I? Of course not.  The thing is the higher paid guy has the same experience but not qualifications or knowledge.  One is a great day to day kind of jobs position while the other is much more technical.  So should that position earn more - absolutely regardless of sex.  What if I replaced that more technical capable guy with a woman who wasn't as technical capable but instead was effectively the same level as the low paid person.  Should they both now be earning the same? Yes.  Should that woman be earning the same as the high technical person just left? No.  Is this a gender pay gap problem - absolutely not.  If I however replaced the higher technical guy with a higher technical woman I would certainly expect their salary to match and be no different.

I can imagine a few throwing a tantrum over the above but you can't claim it's a gender problem when the knowledge > day to day work is different.  I have a team to deal with and I'm fully aware of what all of us do daily.  I'm the highly paid one because of my manager position and decisions I make reflect the entire School.  The middle guy performs highly technical tasks and the low end guy performs all the day to day simple tasks.  Is any of this a gender pay gap problem? No.

 

So how does it get fixed?

Firstly the sexism stops FULL STOP.  That’s men AND women.  That means a man can’t sit there all day berating women, likewise for women berating men who “don’t understand”.  Both are part of the problem.

Secondly people fight against unequal pay FULL STOP.  That means who ever suffers it will have to be brave and fight.  Simply being quiet is also a part of the problem.

Thirdly the witnesses, the silent ones will also have to raise their voices and fight.  That means they too will have to be brave.  Again simply being quiet is also part of the problem.

 

Like it or not throughout history equality has never been something given on a plate, it’s been something people put their lives on the line for.  And rightly so because it’s the only way people will realise it not only exists but it must be fixed.

 

Just remember if you are not a victim, don’t act like one.  If you have historically experienced the problems, just remember that’s history and what matters is how things are today.  I’ve seen a lot of people on twitter stating that they have faced this 15+ years ago.  We need people to voice their concerns today.  There are also a lot of people supporting this but have no knowledge of it actually happening – are simply stating their support.  Remember there is nothing wrong with supporting but when you start walking out of work, you’re not raising awareness you are causing issues for your company/workplace that may very well be “innocent”.  What we need to be doing is naming and shaming these companies who do not pay fairly.

 

I leave that here, just realise that like racism > I’ve always stood against anyone who is sexist or racist – that includes against women who fight for feminism but don’t fight it when it’s in their own agendas.

 

Do the right thing even if you suffer for it.  Fight for what’s right not because you hate the opposite sex.  This is the issue I am constantly seeing.  Some women are actually hating men completely.  I do apologise if you have suffered real issues, real gender pay gaps and sexist problems.  I can't do nothing about them.  What I can do is when I see a real sexist issue - I'm not afraid to tell them to grow up.   If I witnessed someone being paid less for the same position I am willing to put my neck on the line and do something about it.

Question - Are YOU willing to put YOUR neck on the line or is it easier to just simply do a bit of twitter trending and walk out of work to show your apparent support?

Shouldn't you be telling people to report it, stand against it when THEY witness it? Showing twitter support actually does nothing.


Once more - if you find you have real hate issues towards men just remember - You're also apart of the sexism problem around the world if you like it or not.  As a man I've never physically hurt a woman.  I've never made a woman feel like she is second class to me and I respect them.  Do you respect men?

 

 

Personal: #HarassedAtWork

So the trending #HarassedAtWork


I'm going to start off by saying - This happens regardless of sex, regardless of sexual orientation, regardless of colour, race or religion.


As a guy I have been a victim of #HarassedAtWork so let's look at examples of what I have suffered:

• "Love a man in suit" gazing upon me (when I wear a new suit)
• Pinched bum (come to think of it this has happened twice).
• Typical Male comments - this has been long, constant and I don't think I can go a month without hearing it.  We all hear them, we all know them.
• You're male you don't understand.
• "I'm horny, not had a man for a while, need a good riding" from one colleague.
• "You look really nice today"

All the above came from women.


Now all of that is #HarassedAtWork or sexual harassment - at least in the eyes of women.


BEFORE you put words in to my mouth, I don't think it's appropriate for a man to touch a woman, tell her she'd be a good ride or tell her she's a typical woman.


What I will say is though some one telling me I look nice is NOT harassment.  If it's some one I don't like, I've made clear I don't like then.. that's a touchy subject.  The last person to say this to me was our receptionist.  She is a lovely lady and doesn't have a bad bone in her, so is this an "appropriate" thing to say? Well it's nothing.


There is nothing wrong with giving some one a compliment, some times we all need it, some times we can feel like we're working so hard and a nice thing said your way can brighten us up.


Ask your self this, do you never want compliments? Why do we make such an effort in our selves? In our looks? It's to get noticed, it's to make our selves feel better, its so people think that you make an effort.


If you really don't care about "opinions" to your self, don't make an effort and do what you have to do.  I've seen the same women who claim they don't like opinions then go all giddy when it's a certain type of guy who gives that compliment.  It's not sexist, it's not harassment - it's a compliment.  There is not a fine line between the two.


If some one said the kind of line that is wrong e.g. "You look like a great ride" that is wrong.  Some one telling you are looking nice today is NOT harassment.  Unless you are telling me when you're single and looking and a really attractive guy tells you that - its not harassment but it is when it's some one old enough to be your dad? - Sorry but like I said before - HYPOCRISY.


For my self I learnt a backbone and I described this to the other half while she was moaning about her girl friends.  I said there is a reason you women moan about each other behind backs.  It's because us guys were all like the Inbetweeners.  We tore in to each other face to face, joked, banter galore and even anything innocent would be criticised.

Women on the other hand society has created to never be honest to each other.  It's also why men are not honest to women.  Yes you're bum doesn't look big in that dress.  Yes you're hair looks fantastic.  Yes you are moaning too much about petty things.


Fact of the matter is feminine types tend to be the above.  It's true isn't it? I've known a lot of women very closely over the years and I rarely ever meet one that "says it how it is" in fact my other half who I adore so much and I love her for that quality - "say it how it is".  You only have to watch reality TV shows to see the typical male and the typical female - it's all true.  It's why reality TV does so well because we can all relate to it.  I don't watch it but the other half does and I've seen enough to think - it's all true for day to day lives.


Men who go too far
There are men who go too far, some do it because they get away with it, some do it because in their mind it's acceptable, some do it because women enjoy it.  These are all facts and frankly it all needs to change.  Society needs to change.


We need everyone to say "That's wrong", including men like me.


If a woman pinches my bum I should say DONT DO THAT and instantly report it.

Likewise for a woman being touched inappropriately.


There are more women who suffer from it more and I will never dispute that fact.  BUT the important thing is to ACT on real cases.  I once had an argument with a woman who told me "Don't compliment, just ask her out".  That's not how you make a date, first you flirt to see if the person will say yes then you ask.

It makes me wonder if people flirt any more or just use Online Dating Websites because they have lost the touch to flirt face to face.


Grow a backbone
This is important, just as important as sorting out sexual harassment in my view.  We are fast losing a backbone in this country.  Where one person says something and it instantly causes uproar.  Even comedy is fast becoming controlled.  Is this what we really want?
Where a guy can't be told, you look nice in that suit? A woman can't be told, you look nice in that dress?


I'm sorry but grow a back bone.  There is a difference between a compliment and harassment.  As a guy I have given compliments and I'm always able to tell if she is giving me the "Sod off look" and usually on a night out not at work.  Those I give compliments to - give them to me first.  Should society be like that?  Where I have to be careful about anything nice to say?


Friendships at Work
Like it or not work is not just work, how many of us have friends at work? grow relationships at work? lifetime partners? marriages? at work.  I my self have exs from work over the years, I've made some great friends from WORK.  So we can socialise on a normal level and create those bonds?


If you feel that something is inappropriate that's when you say so.  It's usually quite easy to see if some one is willing to get close to your or shall we say create a personal relationship with you.


This is NOT a "Ignore harassment blog"
It's not, regardless of what some over reacting people may think.

If a guy touched a womans bum who made no advances or interest (even though they too would be harassment) then a man should not be touching her in that way.  On the other hand, if I saw some one here upset (a woman) I'd put my hand on her shoulder and offer to be an ear.  I wouldn't do that for anyone but I would do it.  Is that sexual harassment? No it's not.


If a guy or a woman touched some one sexually - they deserve the book thrown at them.  I have never laid my fingers on another woman who said no.  I've never touched some one in that way who I didn't know let alone some one that I would think may turn me down.  Every woman I've ever touched in that way lead to a personal relationship.


Problem is though will we stop forming those relationships without dating sites?  We've all done it or will do it at some point - create a personal relationship at work unless you are not interested at all or taken.  After all as a human being we all crave attention, companionship - it's instinct and in our genetics as human beings.


So what we need to see is the book thrown at real cases of sexual harassment, bosses told what they can or cant do.  What I don't want to see is I'm here as a friend, being accused of sexual harassment for saying "You look nice today" - THIS is not aimed at just women but for men.

I like compliments, I know many who do.  I don't want them to stop, it's being "NICE" not "I want to get in your pants"....


We also need society to be more #Equal because a woman who demands others to empower over men are just as guilty as sexist men who believe in superiority over women.  You either want equality for all or not - there is no grey area.


I will never deny that women suffer from it more than men.  Having had plenty of friends who are men and women, there are large differences in the way "we are".  That means we all need to change.


Women need to stop being sexist.

Men need to stop being sexist.


At the moment society wont change, it hasn't done for decades.  It's a mentality change, our kids need to be brought up differently and so do their kids.


As a man I watched my mother be expected to be a "house wife" and that is all she was.  And my old man was the guy who went to work every day and came home, he wanted dinner ready and to relax.  My mother would raise up the kids (two sisters I have BTW) and treated us all differently.
There was the divorce battle, my father left my mother for a younger woman.

I refuse to be like him
I've never raised a hand to woman
I've always opened the door
I've always preferred to pay
I've always tried to be just a gentleman
I've never expected anything
All I ever wanted when I was growing up was to find one lovely woman and settle.  I was never that jock that wanted to sleep around.

Weird thing was, I was the one that found women didn't want to settle, didn't want anything serious, just wanted to have fun and nothing more.


How many women would be happy to always pay?
How many women would hold the door open for me?
How many women would be a "lady" to be respectable?
How many women wouldn't expect anything?


It works both ways.  This isn't about telling women to stop reporting harassment.  Personally I think anyone being harassed should say so straight away.  If it's too much - report it.  We all have phones, record it.  People should be punished but as mentioned before I don't want to see us all suffer or become "Online dating only" because people are too afraid to be nice.

There is once again a difference between harassment to being friendly.  Just like there is a difference between being "over friendly" and being friends.


When you see things like this:
"ur opinion of women's appearance is not appropriate, moreso at work Women dont get dressed 4 u Why u looking n not working? "


You know it's one of the reasons why 1:  People don't report out of being accused its nothing (when it is serious) and 2: Actual innocent cases are pushed forward (when it is nothing).


Question:  If you was single and fancied some one, if he said you look nice would YOU accuse that person of sexual harassment? No of course not which is again #Hypocrisy


Question:  If you purposely wore a short skirt, low cut top because you know you're boss is male.  Is that right?  I don't have an issue with what women wear although I do think it's not "professional" or appropriate to be wearing the shortest skirt and lowest cut top possible. 

I know women who have openly admitted to doing this to get jobs.  Is that right? #Hypocrisy  Are all women 100% happy if it was a woman interviewing them all the time? I know three women at the top of my head right now that wouldn't like that.  #Hypocrisy


I knew two women some time ago who purposely set out to sleep with their bosses for promotions.


As I said - Society is the issue here.


If you proclaim everything is the fault of "men" you are apart of the problem with society.


If you proclaim everything is harassment you are apart of the problem with society.


All the above is just as bad as those that claim "It's not" last I checked - Innocent until proven guilty?


What some people don't realise is there ARE those women who will do false accusations to get money.  I've known a few of these as well, who didn't get what they wanted and were only caught out because they sent text messages.  If it wasn't for those messages the men would have lost their jobs over two silly women who wanted more.


What about them? What about the married men who have families getting FALSE accusations thrown their way?

This is why - this is a sensitive subject and needs society to change.  We will come to the stage where every office is covered by CCTV.  So real actual harassment can be charged.  So the law isn't time wasting on silly little things like "You look nice today".


You should never be afraid to report things or stand up for your self, this isn't about stopping that.  It's about doing the right thing - regardless what it is.  You only have to look at twitter to see REAL victims of harassment.  Then you see the ones that simply are NOT harassment cases but a few women who just want to "empower" them selves over men.

Personal: Why feminism is overly abused and is about revenge

We all know what's going on, a fight for equality for women and men.  Which I will add I completely support.


I've been doing my job solid for over a decade:
Should a woman earn as much as me if her qualifications and experience are the same level? Yes absolutely.  Should she be treated equaly on every level, in regards to her career choice, day to day job choice?  Totally.  Should a woman tolerate being treated poorly? absolutely not.


The above goes for everyone, regardless of gender, race or class.

Question though aimed at feminists fighting for equality, is this about what's right or revenge?


There seems to be a severe hypocrisy in regards to fighting for equality and remember that's what this is about.  Giving a woman every chance in life as a man gets - which is again spot on the way it should be (we should be adding everyone - can't exclude anyone regardless).


Now, I would like to add as a man I've had the following thrown in my face:

• Expected to support women financially (namely a few ex girlfriends of mine) no we didn't get married nor have children.
• Expected to open a door for a lady (is equality about being polite? why not hold the door open for me?)
• Expected to take it like a man, take the insults and the criticisms because I have a backbone.
• Men can't do more than one thing.
• Typical "male" - How many times have I heard that I "think between my legs", my second brain, typical man etc.  They can range from jokes to serious comments about my gender - do I take these as severe insults?  well no.  Even though equality means you shouldn't be saying anything that criticises my gender right?  Considering the amount of court cases of sexual harassment can occur with similar things.

Recently there has been a certain MP that went to war to remove the "Page 3" which I can totally understand, I don't think material like that should be easily available in papers.  Even though those models would earn a living for something they choose to do.  Very similar to a certain KK who insists on posting nude pictures of her self and claims it's for feminists.  Sorry to say but that is no different to me posting a picture saying this is for men - ridiculous.


Fighting equality is about fighting womens rights to equal pay, equal treatment and to be no different than the treatment of men.  Simple.  How some one who has never expressed equal rights for women but magically uses it as an excuse to advertise who own naked body?  Then again this is the same woman who conveniently leaked a certain inappropriate video and magically became world known.  She was a nobody before that.


How to move forward
It's pretty simple, a big issue is maternity leave/pay.  I can totally understand from an employers point of view that I would rather choose someone who will give me 5 years with nothing but say 28 days holiday time to use up.  It's not against women, it's not against equality but instead it's against some one that costs the company a lot of money to have children while taking paid time off.  How do we solve that though?  force the man to take maternity leave?  From a personal point of view I want my other half looking after the baby but taking care of her self as well.  Looking after a child is a full time job and she deserves her break just as much as anyone.  So would I mind taking maternity time off as well?  nope not at all.
One problem with that is, would we see a change in interview questions - are you in a relationship? are you engaged? will you be having children any time soon?  would bachelor's/singletons be more preferred?


Is that a fix, a step in the right direction?


Sexual harassment of any kind is wrong
Criticising some one of their gender is wrong, How far do we go though?  till we lose that "backbone" and no longer able to take any joke or criticism.  I don't take everything personal, I am a man, grew up as a man and born a boy.  I grew up with male banter, jokes and learnt that thick skin not to take anything personal.  I have taken criticisms my whole life from women regarding my gender, I'm in my young 30s and I grew up in a world where women are not treated as kitchen house wives.  That was my previous generation as shown by some older men that I've known through the years but the same can be said about the older women who act like men should be providing food/money for the house.
My other half can't take criticisms well and instantly can turn on the insane emotion.  Her friends are all similar, not very good at taking it which is why they don't even joke about it - instead they do it behind each others backs.  My friends who are guys joke to their face, criticise the clothes, the mistakes and anything to the face.


There is a difference between men and women, that's not about equality that's about individuality.  That's the way things have been for a very long time, it's the way we raise our kids, the way a man may protect a daughter and a mum will protect her son.  That's a society issue not an equality issue.


Need more Women
So, something else I see often.  Ten people have had a view on something and only two are women - feminism.  Hold your horses, if I walk down the street and grabbed the first ten people I see regardless of gender and I happen to grab more men than women?  That's got nothing to do with equality.  If I hold interviews which I have done over the years and the majority has been men; this also has nothing to do with equality.  Why should I purposely put "Seeks more women" in a job advertisement just to attract more women to my profession?  Is this in any way related to equality?
No - end of.  This immediately causes a betting odd that would say more men in my profession, would that mean more men are earning more? yes but there will also be more men earning less.  The simple fact is there are more men in my job than women.
In my current profession I've only known 3 women compared to about 40+ men.


I am constantly seeing, comparisons to the amount of men vs women in a lot.  I watch football and see more men interested in the sport than women, is that men putting women down or is that simply lack of interest by women.  Which is true, I know at the top of my head 4 women that love football as much as I do. How many men do I know?  a lot.  Has this got anything to do with equality? no.  Even my other half has no interest in watching the game "It's boring" but she wouldn't mind attending a live game to feel the atmosphere.  Has this got anything to do with equality? no.  There is a constant scape goat being used in regards to equality, if a woman chooses to be interested in football only a small minority of men will have a problem with it.  That small minority are an issue in regards to equality.  I know a lot of men who have no issue in fact, they would prefer it if their other half's were interested in football.  It means no squabble, no fighting or problems over who has the TV.


Real Equality Issues


When a man tells a woman she can't do something because of her gender - that's an equality issue.  When a man refuses to give a job to a woman even though she is better qualified/experienced because of her gender - that's an equality issue.  When a man tells a woman to get her body out, well that's sexual harassment and isn't an equality issue.


When a woman tells a man that he can't do something because of his gender - that's an equality issue.  When a woman refuses to give a job to a man even though he is better qualified/experienced because of his gender - that's an equality issue.  When a woman tells a man to get his body out, well that's sexual harassment.

See what I did there?  Equality is about equal rights to all.  Want to talk about custodial rights as a mother VS father? for a child that doesn't need breast feeding? this is an equality issue.


There is a constant term some feminists are using that men can't fully comprehend what it's like to be a woman.  You are right, men don't fully understand.  Likewise though for a woman to understand what it's like to be a man.  Sexism and equality is a major issue and does affect both men and women but no one can have their cake and eat it.  Equality is about both sides having EQUAL rights in everything and I've used one example on why men don't have equality as well.  I'm not denying the issue is bigger for women because of society and cultures that exist today/in history.


It's not going to be fixed till everyone decides that they want equality, not revenge but equal rights for both men and women.  So question to those who fight for feminists - are you really after equal rights or are you after revenge.  There is a huge difference to showing your body as a woman to showing your body for attention.  If you look at some ones history and that person has done nothing but seek attention - certain reality celebrity - it's NOT feminism.  This entire episode reminds me of celebrities fighting poverty while they live in their 10 room mansion, multiple servants and swimming pools with a maintenance cost of more than I earn in 5 years.  #Hypocrisy


If you spend your life fighting for equal rights - you should do it where it is needed.  Not to seek attention.  Has this reality celebrity gone out of her way to fight equality?  Has she treated men like a walking wallet? - This pretty much does sum up attention seeking and gold digging for this celebrity.  #QuiteSad