I'm going to start off by saying - This happens regardless of sex, regardless of sexual orientation, regardless of colour, race or religion.
As a guy I have been a victim of #HarassedAtWork so let's look at examples of what I have suffered:
- "Love a man in suit" gazing upon me (when I wear a new suit)
- Pinched bum (come to think of it this has happened twice).
- Typical Male comments - this has been long, constant and I don't think I can go a month without hearing it. We all hear them, we all know them.
- You're male you don't understand.
- "I'm horny, not had a man for a while, need a good riding" from one colleague.
- "You look really nice today"
Now all of that is #HarassedAtWork or sexual harassment - at least in the eyes of women.
BEFORE you put words in to my mouth, I don't think it's appropriate for a man to touch a woman, tell her she'd be a good ride or tell her she's a typical woman.
What I will say is though some one telling me I look nice is NOT harassment. If it's some one I don't like, I've made clear I don't like then.. that's a touchy subject. The last person to say this to me was our receptionist. She is a lovely lady and doesn't have a bad bone in her, so is this an "appropriate" thing to say? Well it's nothing.
There is nothing wrong with giving some one a compliment, some times we all need it, some times we can feel like we're working so hard and a nice thing said your way can brighten us up.
Ask your self this, do you never want compliments? Why do we make such an effort in our selves? In our looks? It's to get noticed, it's to make our selves feel better, its so people think that you make an effort.
If you really don't care about "opinions" to your self, don't make an effort and do what you have to do. I've seen the same women who claim they don't like opinions then go all giddy when it's a certain type of guy who gives that compliment. It's not sexist, it's not harassment - it's a compliment. There is not a fine line between the two.
If some one said the kind of line that is wrong e.g. "You look like a great ride" that is wrong. Some one telling you are looking nice today is NOT harassment. Unless you are telling me when you're single and looking and a really attractive guy tells you that - its not harassment but it is when it's some one old enough to be your dad? - Sorry but like I said before - HYPOCRISY.
For my self I learnt a backbone and I described this to the other half while she was moaning about her girl friends. I said there is a reason you women moan about each other behind backs. It's because us guys were all like the Inbetweeners. We tore in to each other face to face, joked, banter galore and even anything innocent would be criticised.
Women on the other hand society has created to never be honest to each other. It's also why men are not honest to women. Yes you're bum doesn't look big in that dress. Yes you're hair looks fantastic. Yes you are moaning too much about petty things.
Fact of the matter is feminine types tend to be the above. It's true isn't it? I've known a lot of women very closely over the years and I rarely ever meet one that "says it how it is" in fact my other half who I adore so much and I love her for that quality - "say it how it is". You only have to watch reality TV shows to see the typical male and the typical female - it's all true. It's why reality TV does so well because we can all relate to it. I don't watch it but the other half does and I've seen enough to think - it's all true for day to day lives.
Men who go too far
There are men who go too far, some do it because they get away with it, some do it because in their mind it's acceptable, some do it because women enjoy it. These are all facts and frankly it all needs to change. Society needs to change.
We need everyone to say "That's wrong", including men like me.
If a woman pinches my bum I should say DONT DO THAT and instantly report it.
Likewise for a woman being touched inappropriately.
There are more women who suffer from it more and I will never dispute that fact. BUT the important thing is to ACT on real cases. I once had an argument with a woman who told me "Don't compliment, just ask her out". That's not how you make a date, first you flirt to see if the person will say yes then you ask.
It makes me wonder if people flirt any more or just use Online Dating Websites because they have lost the touch to flirt face to face.
Grow a backbone
This is important, just as important as sorting out sexual harassment in my view. We are fast losing a backbone in this country. Where one person says something and it instantly causes uproar. Even comedy is fast becoming controlled. Is this what we really want?
Where a guy can't be told, you look nice in that suit? A woman can't be told, you look nice in that dress?
I'm sorry but grow a back bone. There is a difference between a compliment and harassment. As a guy I have given compliments and I'm always able to tell if she is giving me the "Sod off look" and usually on a night out not at work. Those I give compliments to - give them to me first. Should society be like that? Where I have to be careful about anything nice to say?
Friendships at Work
Like it or not work is not just work, how many of us have friends at work? grow relationships at work? lifetime partners? marriages? at work. I my self have exs from work over the years, I've made some great friends from WORK. So we can socialise on a normal level and create those bonds?
If you feel that something is inappropriate that's when you say so. It's usually quite easy to see if some one is willing to get close to your or shall we say create a personal relationship with you.
This is NOT a "Ignore harassment blog"
It's not, regardless of what some over reacting people may think.
If a guy touched a womans bum who made no advances or interest (even though they too would be harassment) then a man should not be touching her in that way. On the other hand, if I saw some one here upset (a woman) I'd put my hand on her shoulder and offer to be an ear. I wouldn't do that for anyone but I would do it. Is that sexual harassment? No it's not.
If a guy or a woman touched some one sexually - they deserve the book thrown at them. I have never laid my fingers on another woman who said no. I've never touched some one in that way who I didn't know let alone some one that I would think may turn me down. Every woman I've ever touched in that way lead to a personal relationship.
Problem is though will we stop forming those relationships without dating sites? We've all done it or will do it at some point - create a personal relationship at work unless you are not interested at all or taken. After all as a human being we all crave attention, companionship - it's instinct and in our genetics as human beings.
So what we need to see is the book thrown at real cases of sexual harassment, bosses told what they can or cant do. What I don't want to see is I'm here as a friend, being accused of sexual harassment for saying "You look nice today" - THIS is not aimed at just women but for men.
I like compliments, I know many who do. I don't want them to stop, it's being "NICE" not "I want to get in your pants"....
We also need society to be more #Equal because a woman who demands others to empower over men are just as guilty as sexist men who believe in superiority over women. You either want equality for all or not - there is no grey area.
I will never deny that women suffer from it more than men. Having had plenty of friends who are men and women, there are large differences in the way "we are". That means we all need to change.
Women need to stop being sexist.
Men need to stop being sexist.
At the moment society wont change, it hasn't done for decades. It's a mentality change, our kids need to be brought up differently and so do their kids.
As a man I watched my mother be expected to be a "house wife" and that is all she was. And my old man was the guy who went to work every day and came home, he wanted dinner ready and to relax. My mother would raise up the kids (two sisters I have BTW) and treated us all differently.
There was the divorce battle, my father left my mother for a younger woman.
I refuse to be like him
I've never raised a hand to woman
I've always opened the door
I've always preferred to pay
I've always tried to be just a gentleman
I've never expected anything
All I ever wanted when I was growing up was to find one lovely woman and settle. I was never that jock that wanted to sleep around.
Weird thing was, I was the one that found women didn't want to settle, didn't want anything serious, just wanted to have fun and nothing more.
How many women would be happy to always pay?
How many women would hold the door open for me?
How many women would be a "lady" to be respectable?
How many women wouldn't expect anything?
It works both ways. This isn't about telling women to stop reporting harassment. Personally I think anyone being harassed should say so straight away. If it's too much - report it. We all have phones, record it. People should be punished but as mentioned before I don't want to see us all suffer or become "Online dating only" because people are too afraid to be nice.
There is once again a difference between harassment to being friendly. Just like there is a difference between being "over friendly" and being friends.
When you see things like this:
"ur opinion of women's appearance is not appropriate, moreso at work Women dont get dressed 4 u Why u looking n not working? "
You know it's one of the reasons why 1: People don't report out of being accused its nothing (when it is serious) and 2: Actual innocent cases are pushed forward (when it is nothing).
Question: If you was single and fancied some one, if he said you look nice would YOU accuse that person of sexual harassment? No of course not which is again #Hypocrisy
Question: If you purposely wore a short skirt, low cut top because you know you're boss is male. Is that right? I don't have an issue with what women wear although I do think it's not "professional" or appropriate to be wearing the shortest skirt and lowest cut top possible.
I know women who have openly admitted to doing this to get jobs. Is that right? #Hypocrisy Are all women 100% happy if it was a woman interviewing them all the time? I know three women at the top of my head right now that wouldn't like that. #Hypocrisy
I knew two women some time ago who purposely set out to sleep with their bosses for promotions.
As I said - Society is the issue here.
If you proclaim everything is the fault of "men" you are apart of the problem with society.
If you proclaim everything is harassment you are apart of the problem with society.
All the above is just as bad as those that claim "It's not" last I checked - Innocent until proven guilty?
What some people don't realise is there ARE those women who will do false accusations to get money. I've known a few of these as well, who didn't get what they wanted and were only caught out because they sent text messages. If it wasn't for those messages the men would have lost their jobs over two silly women who wanted more.
What about them? What about the married men who have families getting FALSE accusations thrown their way?
This is why - this is a sensitive subject and needs society to change. We will come to the stage where every office is covered by CCTV. So real actual harassment can be charged. So the law isn't time wasting on silly little things like "You look nice today".
You should never be afraid to report things or stand up for your self, this isn't about stopping that. It's about doing the right thing - regardless what it is. You only have to look at twitter to see REAL victims of harassment. Then you see the ones that simply are NOT harassment cases but a few women who just want to "empower" them selves over men.
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