Thursday, 4 October 2018

The Kavanaugh Hearing

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First thing is first:  
Everyone should be respectful, understanding, listening and think.  One way or another there is a victim here.  One way or another some one has faced a traumatic experience.  With little to no evidence that anything has or hasn't happened.

It is very important to remember that yes - there could be a rapist here or a false accuser.  Are either possible ? Yes.

Having had a false rape accusation.. it was incredibly hard and I contemplated suicide.  It is in another post if you wish to know the details but I was very open and honest.. she wasn't...   she didn't admit that we had been seeing each other for months.. lied about where we had sex (several times and different positions) yet accused me of rape....  And at the end of it.. she thought I'd be laughing because I got 'one up' on her...   last thing on my mind when it was over....  there was that huge relief..

So.. could this case be a lie? is it impossible? It can be a lie.

Could this be true? absolutely.

It is yet again important to remember that there is a victim here.   Respect must be given to both sides.  Let the court do their job.

The Male Side... or in this case most American Republicans.
I'm not afraid to say there are real reasons why men are protective over their daughters.  I know very well what men are capable of.  I know what we were led to believe growing up.. competing to be alphas... the bully or the bullied...  to be popular.. cute to the girls.....  I know what my friends were like and I know what the worst of humanity has to give when it comes to men.

It is also important to remember.. a male pig doesn't necessarily mean he is a rapist.  It means he may very well be disrespectful towards women.  Sleep with them and never calling.  Says he wants a relationship when he just wants sex.  Says he loves his wife while sleeping with dozens of other women.

Like I said.. there are REAL reasons men don't trust other men with their daughters.

Like it or not though.. a man cheating on his girlfriend doesn't make him a rapist.  Doesn't make him evil.  A man sleeping with a dozen women every week doesn't make him evil either... just makes him a pig.

A lot of men use examples of.. she can be your daughter.. your mother.. your sister.. there is no harm in this..  it makes people think of the victim a part of their family... so stop attacking people for thinking like this.  It is human nature.

I'm going to add that I really feel for the true nature of #MeToo..   women have been sexually abused and treated like objects..  men can be very disrespectful towards women.  Men have demanded sexual favours for rewards..  some men will openly treat women poorly.  Some men will hound some one until they give in...      and I'm not afraid to say it stems from our natural sexual urges which when young are very hard to control.. and some boys never grow up.  Something that sorry ladies....  you do not understand.  How could you? You are a woman..

The Women Side... or in this case most American Democrats
 So ladies...  in the words of my other half and many women in my life..  there are reasons why mothers are protective over their sons.. they know what women can be like.  There are women that only date a guy for his car.. or because he is rich.. popular..  some will even 'trap' by getting pregnant to prevent the guy from ever walking away...  some will even claim they are the father to a child.. for 7 years and find to out with a DNA test .. that they're not... (this actually happened to some one I know.. he was devastated - the DNA test was advised by his family)   So women know what other women are like.... right?

Like it or not though.. a woman caught cheating isn't a false accuser....   a woman sleeping around doesn't make her evil.  No matter what she wears.. how she acts.. it doesn't give a man any right to grab her without consent..  to pin her down and do as he pleases...  nor if she has had plenty to drink.

A lot of women use examples of.. he could be your son.. your brother.. your father.. again there is no harm in this.  Stop attacking people for using these examples.

I'm not afraid to say that some women enjoy being treated like an object.. some of my exs loved it.. and wanted more.. I hated it.. I never respected them for it and broke up with them.. why would I marry some one that was happy to be a doormat.. because they liked me being in control.....  My other half loves 50 Shades of Grey because she wants me to be more forceful...  not happening... she knows it.

Now there are women that have offered sexual favours if I taxi them some where.. or even gave them money.  One of my exs a month after breaking up asked for some money.. I said no.. she offered sex on a plate..  I wasn't impressed.  I know women that have openly admitted to wearing revealing clothes in the hope of a male boss giving them a job or a promotion (their words not mine ladies).

The truth is.. it doesn't matter what your gender is.. you can be arrogant.. ambitious.. greedy.. selfish... a pig... or evil.

This is a Political Mess
There is a big reason I put Democrats and Republicans in the title of two topics.. because this has been made in to a political mess.  People are automatically taking sides before even hearing the story.  What a mess this is.... and embarrassing.  I feel for both of these two individuals.... one of them is a victim and who ever it is... will have their life torn upside down and dragged outside for all to see ....   even when justice is done (correctly or not we will never know unless 100% undeniable proof).. the victim will still be attacked publicly by the other party side...

Wake Up
That's right.. YOU.. wake up..

No gender.. no race.. no beliefs are innocent when you start picking sides because of politics.

As I said at the top.. listen to this story.. don't pre-judge... let the court do that.  This is creating a bigger divide with genders which is making matters worse.  Women standing by a woman because she understands abuse... a man standing by a man because he understands a false accusation...

The weird thing is.. men.. women .. we are all the same yet on the other side of the coin.  We have never been 100% the same and never will be.

If you automatically take a side just because of the gender... you are part of the gender discrimination..

Monday, 20 November 2017

Personal: Underage sex is happening - wake up and start educating

So that Katie Hopkins tweet what 14 year olds are up to.

I may not agree with 99.99% of her tweets, I may think she’s a troll, pathetic waste of space and even a racist hater against Muslims but that tweet in 'content' is true.  14 year olds are having sex.  What’s the youngest in the UK to get pregnant? It’s not 14, it’s not even 13.. nor 12..  it’s 11.

Again though.. Katie isn’t being very political with her tweet and frankly is a bit too insensitive but she does have a fair point.  As for defending the 30+ year old…..  if he is proven guilty of it..  then he should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law (prison for a long time).

I’m going to start stating some facts of what I have witnessed in my life,
Starting with when I was at school.

At 15 – I was a virgin, hadn’t had a proper girlfriend.  The majority of girls in my year were dating older boys:  Majority were sixth formers 16-17 and yet quite a few also had 18+ boyfriends.  They drove cars and had jobs.  No one bat an eye lid.  No one cared – it was the norm.  In my year there was one maybe two couples that were of the same age.. that was it.  We all knew who they were.  One couple was caught having sex up the field on a lunch time – we all knew who.  The other couple made sure they were legit to everyone.  With some girls who were 15, they were not afraid to discuss their sex life.  I even remember once in class a group of girls were openly discussing their sex life and how their boyfriends still wore PJs at 18+. 

This was one group of about 6 girls who all sat together at the back of the classroom.  Only reason I remember this is because they asked around to all the 15 year old boys if they wore PJs (funnily enough most said no).  They had absolutely no problem discussing how they had sex and the majority of the class heard it.  Even the teacher at the time just didn’t care.  We may not like this – but this is the norm.  At 14 I am not afraid to admit that I paid no attention to such discussions.  A few of these couples are still together today with families.

At 16 joining sixth form, again the majority of the girls had boyfriends who drove and were 18-25.  One couple who are even together now with a few kids had been together for a long time.  Several of them are still together today.

Still the young being sexually active is no excuse for under age sex – rightly so.  BUT like it or not it was part of the culture and it was normal or at least it was in the area I grew up in.

I’ve heard stories about 16-21 year olds sleeping with 15 year olds like it was normal.  I’ve heard stories of 15 year olds sleeping with older men – some of which are still married to them.  I’ve talked to older women who are mothers with daughters and they too say it was normal.

Even my other half’s youngest sister used to think it was ‘cringe’ to sleep with a much older guy.  Till recently she dated a man who was 9 years older than her.  It was the first time she actually fell in love (she too had exs and wasn’t a virgin at 15).   Sadly she got her heart crushed.  She loved him because he was earning, had a house, car and knew how to treat a woman.

So working in a school…. 

Background:  I grew up in several council estates, I didn’t go to a grammar school nor did I go to University.  The school I went to was considered to be… the ‘pikey’ school.

Moving forward –educating both sides
Now we should be educating our youth.  Telling them this is wrong.  An under 16 should not be dating an over 16 – we should be screaming at them that it’s illegal to have sex.
This is not placing blame on the victims.  We educate them every day about other things to protect them.
·         Never talk to strangers
·         Never leave the doors unlocked
·         Avoid dark alleys
·         Never sext
·         Never send naked photos
·         Everything online is permanent
·         Look both ways and listen when crossing roads
·         An online photo is not necessarily real

If they are a victim in any of the above – it doesn’t place the blame on them by educating the youth.  Telling kids to look both ways crossing a road doesn’t place the blame if someone breaks the speed limit and knocks them down..  instead we tell them to be safe and avoid being a victim where possible.

Online Activity
In recent years we’ve begun to heavily educate our young about social media and online activity.  All to be safe.  Believe it or not this is more reactive than proactive.  Online activity has been around for a few decades but only recently has it become widespread thanks to smartphones.

The internet access levels have gone through massive changes especially inside education.  I set our filtering levels to be tight – even though some staff get sick of it.  This is to prevent and protect the students.  To prevent them from using social media all day, to stop them accessing inappropriate materials online etc.  All to protect/prevent problems.  We are not placing blame on them – we are being proactive to prevent.  We can’t prevent everything but we can help cut down the risk.

It’s why driving lessons exist.  We are not placing the blame on every driver but an unsafe driver is a risk.  It’s why penalty systems exist.  It’s why we insure, MOT and tax our vehicles.  All to cut down the risks.

Recent reports and findings have indicated that young people are sexting more now than ever before.  They are sending naked photos of themselves and out of fear of getting in trouble – it’s all being done quietly. 

They are having sex
One thing hasn’t changed though? – They are still claiming to be with their friends when instead they are with the other half potentially having sex.  I work in a school and I hear these stories in the corridors.  Just think each time you think your daughter or son are just round a ’mates’ house having a laugh.  They could very well be with someone.   I’ve dated girls age range of 17 with protective parents.  I can tell you how easy it is – to lie.  I’ve had exs who told me stories what they used to be like including the age they lost their virginity.  I’ve sat there and listened to my other half and her sisters (all discussions away from parents).  And none of them were a virgin at 16.  Some of my exs though lasted till they were 16-19 but not many.  In fact out of all my exs only one was a virgin at 19 (that I knew of).  Far too many of them said the age range was 14-15 when they lost their virginity and quite a few were with illegal ages.

Young people are having sex.  They may not be at it like rabbits – that’s not what I am saying.  They are having sexual encounters, even of the small kind – they are.  So that’s where we must educate them to be safe and appropriate.  To cut down their risks (again anyone guilty of doing any kind of sexual contact with underage should be punished).  It’s silly that I must state this a few times to get it through some thick skulls.

I once had to report a matter about a conversation I found on a device.  It was a year 7 girl and a year 8 boy.  He was pressuring her in to having sex which obviously had to be reported.  I had to log this entire chat log.  A year 7 was fully aware of what sex was and how it was done but refused to go through with it.  The boy wasn’t being malicious but was being a bit too pushy – trying to guilty trip her.  This was a 13 year old boy who was sexually active…  

Now this is one incident out of many that I’ve had to deal with.  You’d think I wouldn’t encounter many.. it’s not like behaviour or students having sex has anything to do with my job roles over the years.  Yet I know of many……

There was once a case where a 14 year old was caught having sex with a 16 year old.  This was a very serious matter (again I had to get electronic logs) – the police got involved.  This 16 year old was instantly excluded and the 14 year old’s parents – didn’t want to push the matter.  They didn’t want to cause problems for their daughter.  In their own words – she was sexually active, they want him punished but they didn’t want her to be dragged through the courts.  He was put on the sex offender list (rightly so) and got community service (should have seen prison?).  What was most interesting is the parents – knew about it for a while but did nothing.  They advised her to call it off and even told him to.  Was she to blame? NO, was the parents to blame? NO, but could they have done more to educate her on how illegal it was? To persuade her to walk away? Did trying to push her away instead push her more towards him?  Could we have educated him better? He seemed to think it wasn’t anything?

I’ve had to do email searches over the years…  and the amount of ‘sex’ discussion going on… is not unbelievable.  It’s normal.  And it’s that ‘normality’ we should be removing.  It’s not normal for a 14 year old to sext or have sex but we seem to be willing to accept it? NO.  Let’s educate them that it’s not normal but I guess we don’t want to punish a 14 year old that does have sex do we?

So ask your self – Do you see the conversations your children are having on their phones and social media?  If a 16 year old is happy to have sex with a different boy every month – have you asked how long they’ve been having sex?  If a 16 year old is happy to take naked pictures which is illegal – how long have they been doing it?

Girls go for Older men – fact of life
They do.  I was older than most of my exs, their exs before me were also older and most of the women I know today are dating men older.  In my experience was to say an average age gap I wouldn’t start with 2-3 years, I’d start at 5-9 years of the average age gap.


In the words of the majority of women I’ve known.  Older men:
·         More mature
·         Working/earning a living
·         Have their own place
·         Drive
·         Know what they want
·         Know how to treat a girl
·         Know how to have sex

I could go in to more detail but.. what’s the point.  I’ve heard every excuse in that list as fact.  These have come from women and I actually do have girl (women) mates and I talk to them.

Girls become sexually active and grow up physically quicker than boys.  Another fact of life.  This is scientific knowledge – not just a personal belief.  This gives no excuse for a sexual predator but at times like it or not – the one doing the chasing is at times the girl.

Bit more of MY story
I’ve had exs that have chased me.  A few (back in the day when I was young) were 16-18 and really did chase me.  I remember once with my youngest ex 16 and because she was a few weeks from being 17 I accepted the chase. 

Now comes a sick part of the story:  Her younger sister had an older boyfriend (older than me).  Her family were aware and did nothing.  They didn’t want to cause problems or destroy what she had.  I later found out that she was 13 when they begun dating (family didn’t know till she was 15) and he was 23 when it all started.  When I was told this.. I wasn’t happy but the family didn’t want to do anything.  That same guy slept with her friend who was also 14 at the time.  The family didn’t want to do anything.

What do we do?
Now?  That same couple have got two kids together (I’ve not had any contact with them for years so I assume they are still together).  Even though they’ve been together since she was 13 and he was 23.  No one bat an eye lid back in those days.  So what do we do?  Destroy that family that apparently might be happy?  She is grateful for having someone in her life? What do we do?  If I reported it – they could all deny it.  What evidence would there be?

Is it morally right? Totally No.  Is it illegal? Totally Yes.  What would you do right now if you had the power to punish him?

As I said – they may not be having sex daily but they are having sex. 

So we must continue to punish those guilty of it.  We should educate young girls and boys that it’s illegal.  Don’t pursue it.

A few tips when reading this:  At times I refer to women as girls just because it’s the way I tend to say things.  I can say “damn girl” to a woman of 45+…. It’s my way so try not to pre-judge because it’s the way I speak.

Comments don’t always mean advocating
I’ve been working in a school for many years and recently been attacked on Twitter because people fail to read all my tweets – instead see one.  It’s why now I’ve had to do this type up so those immature and quick reactive people can see what I actually mean.  I may hate the genocide of the Jews during WW2 but to deny historical facts doesn’t mean I advocate genocide or mass murder.  We must accept historical facts to learn from them.  We need stop covering our eyes because we don’t want to see it.

The youth are having sex, they are exploring their sexuality and they at times will make huge bad mistakes because they enjoy the attention or fall in love with the wrong person.  Ask yourself this.  Your daughter comes home pregnant..  she wants to keep the baby no matter what.. in the back of your mind what do you hope the boyfriend will be?  He can be younger than her, same age, a few years older, quite a few years older or too many years older.

What do you hope walks in the door?  You’ve got no choice in the answer but what do you seriously hope?  I hate to say this but I’d be incredibly protective of my daughter but if she was 14-18 and pregnant?  Deep down I’d hope it was someone grown up, working and driving.  Who was able to provide for that child.  Oh I’d want to kill him (not literally but you know what I mean)..  but.. rational thinking..  I’d want it to be a man who took responsibility and financially was able to support her and the baby.

Sadly we are a culture of double standards.  The more we push our kids to be sensible.. the more they rebel and do as they please.  If we control them – they will go behind our backs.  What did we used to be like as kids? We refused to listen to adults, we did as we chose and let’s face it – the rules were there to be broken.  We always hope when our kids make mistakes that they are not big ones or too costly.  They will make mistakes.  We always hope when pregnancies are involved it’s when they are ready – how many in 2017 are results from planned pregnancies? They will make mistakes.  We always hope when they come home with a girlfriend or boyfriend that they are decent.  I’ve known girls that are happy to trap boyfriends.  I’ve known boys that were willing to do the same.

So, let’s remember to punish the guilty but also educated our youth to understand the risks involved.  If they all waited till they were 16 to sleep with that 30+ or even 60+ year old.. we will hate it.. we will call it sick.. but legally it’s nothing bad is it.  So remember that double standard.  Also remember that around the world in so called democratic society – the age limit can be below 16…. Again we call it sick etc..

I hate huge age gaps.  I think marrying at 16 to a 70+ year old is disgusting but society allows it.  Even if they both are too immature/ill to make rational decisions – it’s allowed.  Those 15 year olds having sex illegally with a sexual predator – if that child had waited just a few months or a bit more.. it would be LEGAL.  Do we educate them that way? That it’s okay if they waited a little longer?

I hate the fact that kids are having sex.  I was one of the lucky ones that waited till I was old enough to understand but others are not so.  Kids are innocent and it’s that innocence we are trying to protect.  Let’s continue to help them understand their decisions and help them understand what a sexual predator is.  We can continue to punish sexual predators but the fact of the matter is we need to stop REACTIVE and be more PROACTIVE to prevent these measures.  Teach boys it’s not right, teach girls the same – teach adults that they will be strung up and to stop!

So hopefully reading this you don’t automatically assume (badly) that I’m advocating child abuse.  I’ve stated several times that I DO NOT AGREE WITH IT AND SHOULD REMAIN ILLEGAL.  I’ve simply stated that we should educate our youth better, teach our adults on their repercussions of sick decisions but also stated facts on what happens.